Not Enough

Dear Christ Follower, be careful. The demands on our time and energy are endless, it can be so easy to lose spiritual balance. Regardless of life stage, age, occupation or gender, our culture is hectic. There’s never a dull moment. Our calendars are full, days and evenings can quickly get overbooked. We make choices, prioritize based on what’s happening and what needs to be done, or even allow others to prioritize for us. We stay busy, addressing the urgent, striving to stay on task. Our souls desperately crave renewal, peace, restoration and rest …. yet we stay on the hamster-wheel, pushing ourselves ever harder to do more, be more, give more, produce more, succeed more. The prideful desire for perfection and approval from others often drives us. The fear of failure nips at our heels like an angry dog, threatening to bite us where it hurts. Run …. run as fast and hard as you can to keep up, to stay ahead. Run …. run from potential failure baring it’s snarling teeth at you.

Don’t fall short, don’t disappoint, don’t mess up.
If I do, then people will see me as I think I am.
Less than. Weak. Lacking. A failure.

When I’m off balance, I fully believe those half-truths.

My good, dear, wise and trusted friend reminded me, I am not enough.
Truth, I AM NOT.

Last night I confessed to my husband that I’ve allowed myself to get off balance spiritually … again. My anxiety was out of control. I mumbled in embarrassment that I felt I either needed to slow way down or come to a dead stop. (Have you ever slammed on the brakes really hard? You might be wearing a safety belt, but everything around you goes flying. People can get hurt. The vehicle you’re piloting can get sideways, out of control, sometimes even destroyed. In the crash, there’s chaos. Slamming on the brakes, in my case, is simply a wrong response.)

Feeling that urgent soul-need to slow down or stop altogether is a symptom of a spiritual problem. In my desire to do what I think God is asking of me I willingly put my head down, shoulder to the wheel and press hard. Willingness and obedience isn’t the problem ….. the thing is this: When my head is down, I’m not looking up. I lose sight of His leading, lose my way. Working in my own strength I am quickly depleted. Working in His strength, holding onto His wisdom, I am completely equipped. I am not enough, God is more than enough. My fear, time mismanagement, skewed priority, and yes even my failure, He turns into teaching time. Growth happens. His loving discipline is something I can trust for my good. Even if it doesn’t feel good in the moment.

1 My [daughter], do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, 2 for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. 3 Let love and faithfulnessnever leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. 4Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. 7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. 8 This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. 9 Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; 10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. 11 My [daughter], do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, 12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the [daughter] he delights in. 13 Blessed is the [one] who finds wisdom, the [one] who gains understanding, (Psalm 3:1-13)

Truth, I am not enough. If I were I wouldn’t so desperately need my Lord and Savior. Blessed is the one who gains understanding.

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