I think it’s normal for people to avoid talking about or planning for their death. I tried having that conversation with my daughter and of course she got uncomfortable. I rushed through my little speech and told her where my will is and what she would get if I go first, assuming we have anything of value at that time. The situation of course would be different if my husband goes first, as he also has daughters from a previous marriage.
This is reality when you have a past that includes children, divorce and remarriage.
It’s not my intent to bring anyone down, just to give you a little food for thought. As parents, as a couple and as Christ Followers, we must prayerfully consider the choices we make with our wills and how this affects the families we will leave behind.
Yesterday I went with a friend to check out a used washer and dryer we found on Craigslist. We walked in to a modular home and it was obvious that whoever lived there was packing for a move. Naturally, we asked. The man was 73 and had just lost his wife to lung cancer in February. He was moving back to live with his youngest daughter in New Jersey.
This is the part that really shocked me …. he was leaving because his stepson was taking possesion of his home, the home his wife had before they married. He had no where to go but away. And at 73, unless you have a nice nest egg, you aren’t in a financial position to continue living an independent lifestyle. You are past your prime for earning. You got to pray your child takes you in and be grateful if they do.
His wife will did not take into consideration, specifically, what would happen to the man she loved enough to share the rest of her life with … if she went first. It only made sense that she would provide for her son, and likewise, I imagine “Ray” made similar stipulations in his will to provide for his daughters up north. It does make sense in a “put it down on paper” sort of way …. but when you are living with the choice your spouse put on paper 15 years ago it is a whole different story. And we can’t count on our children to “do the right thing” by your spouse either. Forget it. Just ask Ray, he’s getting the boot.
We each have our own ideas on this, we each have different circumstances and resources. If you haven’t had the conversation with your kids or your spouse, now is the time. It will not be fun, but it’s necessary. If you don’t have a will …. get one. And above all, I urge you to give prayerful consideration to the well being of your spouse in his or her old age and make sure the choices you are making are in line with God’s will.