Smoke and Mirrors

Today was Day 13.  A lot of my friends don’t know, didn’t know.  I was courteous, bordering on secretive.  Saving it for when I wouldn’t offend or be judged.  This was the real deal ya’ll.  Not a casual “smoke after a meal” thing, but a 36 year-long bad friendship.  A deeply ingrained physical and psychological addiction for those who know ….  a nasty, stinky and expensive habit for those who don’t. 

Smoking is bad for you.  We all know the benefits of stopping.  I’m sure there are a hundred reasons to quit.  I just didn’t want to.  

Have you ever felt totally convicted about something you’re doing?  Or not doing?  The conversation started last year when we studied “So Long Insecurity”.  It continued during the “Made To Crave” study.  It was more monologue than conversation though, because I don’t always obey or like what He has to say!   All joking aside, it felt like God was addressing very specific areas of disobedience in which I was unyielding.   In addition to the bible studies, He used sermons and scripture as reinforcement.  I have to admit that all this convicting was really getting on my nerves. 

I prayed about it, not with a heart of submission but like a rebellious and reluctant child ….. “Ok Lord alright, I hear you, I get it but I don’t want to quit.  I like smoking and you know I like it.  If you want me to do this, you’re going to have to make me want to because I’m not feeling it. You have to make me not want to smoke.”    

He loves me even when I’m rebellious and unwilling!  I am able to write these words at the end of Day 13 because on the morning of July 18th, my Heavenly Father gave me just enough incentive not to light one to have with my coffee.   Not lighting one led to not lighting another.  God is bigger than my nicotine craving.  He alone is worthy of my constant attention.  In Him I find my strength and comfort.  With Him I have what it takes.  Bring on Day 14, we’re ready.

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4 Responses to Smoke and Mirrors

  1. jeanette morgan says:

    I am loving these Elena!!!! Really speaking to my heart. Keep em coming!

    • Elena says:

      The writing is easier than I expected. Actually posting is the hard part! LOL Counting the days to our west coast visit, missing all you important people so very much.

  2. Bonnie says:

    I am so very proud of you. I see you growing by huge leaps and bounds – quite simply, you shine. I know firsthand how tough this habit is, and as I told you before I recently had a setback. You continue to be strong and you will succeed – again, I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I am of you!! Love you much girlie!! 🙂

    • Elena says:

      I’m proud of you sweet friend, with all you’ve been through. Your life is an encouragement! It does my heart good to see you so happy. Look forward to seeing you again, soon I hope.

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